Salle de bain est

Think of my earlier love, or infatuation, for Marguerite and of my love for Francis. It is a bad sign for me that my feelings for M could go so completely cold. To be sure, there is a difference here; but still my coldheartedness remains. May I be forgiven; i.e., may it be possible for me, to be sincere and loving. [1.12.37]

Masturbated last night. Pangs of conscience. But also the conviction that I am too weak to withstand the urge and the temptation if they and the images which accompany them offer themselves to me without my being able to take refuge in others. Yet only yesterday evening I was reflecting on the need to lead a pure life. (I was thinking of Marguerite and Francis.) [2.12.37]



		He worried, too, about his sensuality and his ability to love. He recorded the occasions on which he masturbated, sometimes with shame, and sometimes with bewildered doubt: 'How bad is it? I don't know. I guess it is bad, but I have no reason to think so.' Was his ability to love, with a clean and pure heart, threatened by the sexual desire manifested in his urge to masturbate? Think of my earlier love, or infatuation, for Marguerite and of my love for Francis. It is a bad sign for me that my feelings for M could go so completely cold. To be sure, there is a difference here; but still my coldheartedness remains. May I be forgiven; i.e., may it be possible for me, to be sincere and loving. [1.12.37] Masturbated last night. Pangs of conscience. But also the conviction that I am too weak to withstand the urge and the temptation if they and the images which accompany them offer themselves to me without my being able to take refuge in others. Yet only yesterday evening I was reflecting on the need to lead a pure life. (I was thinking of Marguerite and Francis.) [2.12.37]