Think of my earlier love, or infatuation, for Marguerite and of my love for Francis. It is a bad sign for me that my feelings for M could go so completely cold. To be sure, there is a difference here; but still my coldheartedness remains. May I be forgiven; i.e., may it be possible for me, to be sincere and loving. [1.12.37]
Masturbated last night. Pangs of conscience. But also the conviction that I am too weak to withstand the urge and the temptation if they and the images which accompany them offer themselves to me without my being able to take refuge in others. Yet only yesterday evening I was reflecting on the need to lead a pure life. (I was thinking of Marguerite and Francis.) [2.12.37]